haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
