he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
