I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
