No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
