so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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