i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
