Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
