I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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