I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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