Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Holy sore nipples Batman
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
