I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
