I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
