I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
