My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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