this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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