Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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