Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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