you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
