i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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