I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
