Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
