Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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