You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
