She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
