I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
