What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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