Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
