I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
