Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
