you guys were way drunker than both of me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
