hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
