look no pants
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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