I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
