i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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