dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
