If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
