Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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