Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
