Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
