it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
