dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
