It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
