i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
