This dress was meant to end up on your floor
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Let's get the cat blown out
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
