Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
