i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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