I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize