hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She bit a glass in half.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
