i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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