Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
