i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
