How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You need a sexual gate keeper
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
