i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
