But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
