She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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