Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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