Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize