I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
